Blessed Be, everyone (haha, that's the first time I've said it.)

I'm really going to be a lot more active in Paganism now than I used to be. You see, I have long felt like I can't really do anything like meditations or spells because of the small, bad place I live in and the small amount of room, the large amount of gross things (I don't know where to begin) and lots of other huge restrictions.

Well, my dad gave me two CDs for meditation music and I listened to them both. I recently got a new bed set, so I made my circle on my bed (because I can't do it anywhere else, and now the circle looked nicer and more formal and inviting) and I (because I can't light the incense) took out all of the incense out of the box and just set them down so that I could still smell them, although they weren't lit.

I did my first really big meditation today and cast a spell completely of my own making.

You see, I don't have a familiar. I have two cats and a dog, but I don't connect with any of them, and there's nothing special or magical about them. Sure, they're cute, but they're not really "my" cats. They're just.....pets. I love them as you would a family member who you are distant with, but the only one I really love on a more personal level is Champagne (no, I did not name him.)

But yesterday, I was trying to make yarn dolls. Most of them fell apart, but I made a really nice brown one. He was so soft and lovely and I've always been good at art and crafts and magic. Whenever I make something, I always put just a little bit of myself into it. I always put a little of my soul and love into it. Sometimes there is a bond, but sometimes there isn't.

I started making Raistlin charms after the character in Dragonlance, Raistlin Majere. No, he's not real, he's just a character in a book. But I made the charms not for the character, but for the properties of the character. I made them to give something to the owner of the charm. Their magical properties are inner strength, intelligence, strong will and magic. I made plenty of them.....but I only felt a strong connection with one of them. And that was the only one that worked for me. But, when I gave different charms to different people, theirs worked for them, but would not work for me. So, it is my belief that no matter how much you might make of something, sometimes there is a bond to it.

I bonded with the cat, who is now my familiar. I named him Merlin. Today, I made a circle and played the music and kept rose incense out. I made a special prayer to the Goddess and the God, and an additional prayer to my soul guardian, Achilles. Although the Goddess and the God are closes to me, I've always bonded better with Achilles because his presence in my life was much stronger and more out in the open. I'd refer to him as almost like a fatherly figure to me, and also as a best friend (I have a few best friends: Feralas the elf, Furtoth the faerie, Merlin the cat and my parents).

Today's spell wasn't a written spell. It is weird, really, because I just seemed to know the words in my heart. I just knew the spell, yet it was never a written spell and no one had ever given it to me. It was made by me, and therefore I managed to create one of the best magical creations I've ever made: Merlin, my familiar, my friend.

I like to sit down and cuddle up in blankets, with a nice book and some hot tea and read with Merlin on my lap or on my shoulder. <3